Warlock Dignity

Greetings Fourpoint’ohsixers.  The last patch was not as destructive as I feared. Get it? I’m Destruction specced and I said destructive.  They’re similar.  It’s cool. Yeah.  In fact, unless you’re Affliction, you’re really not that bad off.  If you are Affliction, then I’m very sorry to hear that and I hope to see you in the next patch when you are allowed to raid again, having been buffed enough to outdps the healers.

The best news out of 4.06 was that a ridiculous change to Fel Armor did not take place but a very Warlocky one took place in it’s stead.  Originally, the proposed change was to give us 10% more mana or something ridiculous like that.  I qq’d about it at the time but eventually Blizzard wizened up and made it cool.  Instead of passive health regen, we now get some health in return for dealing damage.  Is that not awesome?  It’s totally Warlock.

If I have to put this to an equation, it would look like this:

Life = Pain * target

Or where t = target, Life = Pain * t

Almost there.  If we just switch those around…

Life = t*pain

This got me thinking while I dps mindlessly in raids: Self, I said, what other abilities do Warlocks have that don’t really belong to the code of conduct of the class?  Which abilities go against the Warlock ethos?

And boy did I ever answer Self.

I said, Self, Dark Intent is a great example of such a bad spell.

And then Self and I congratulated each other on having found this non-Warlock ability that we have despite that fact.

For those who don’t know and who have not clicked the link barely 3 lines above this one, Dark Intent is a buff we give out to a friendly player and it gives both us and them 3% haste.  While the buff is active, bam, 3% haste.  That would be awesome in and of itself, but there’s more!

Any time we or they get a critical hit, we gain a stack of 3% extra damage buff, and it can stack up to 3 times for a total of 9% more damage for 6 seconds (or until renewed by another crit).  Healers gain healing instead of damage.

This is really amazing, just like Focus Magic in the Mage arsenal of … wait… did you see the problem? I just threw it at your feet… the words “JUST LIKE [a mage ability]”.

This is not right, as awesome as our Dark Intent is, it cannot be seen as similar.  I’ve figured out why it’s similar though, because it’s a pure buff.  It goes against the logical Warlock thinking which is : “I will trade you something terrible for something good for me.”  Like, say, surrendering a piece of our soul every time we reach into the Twisting Nether to make a new pact with a demon.  Or like when we kill the purest and most innocent creatures on Azeroth only to learn to summon a Succubus.  Or, with Fel Armor, when we trade pain for life!

In light of this, I propose the following change to Dark Intent, effective immediately:

Keep it as is but add one line at the end that states

Has a 5% chance to kill the friendly recipient every time the stacks fall off.  When such a death occurs, a Doom Guard is summoned that cannot be enslaved to the Warlock’s will and goes on a rampage across the raid.

Now that would be a real Warlock ability.  Death, destruction, mayhem!  All for the price of a little bit of a boost to our damage.

Blizzard will clearly see the brilliance of this and implement it in the next patch, I’m sure.  That’s if they don’t hotfix it directly to live servers tomorrow!

*** This post brought to you by the Codeine in my cold medicine ***


2 Responses to “Warlock Dignity”

  1. 1 Saga February 10, 2011 at 7:00 am

    Brilliant idea!

    I’d otherwise be okay with them getting the 3% haste, but only us getting the stacking buff.. cause we’re awesome and deserve it.. they do not!

    Or we could sacrifice some gnomes. For what you ask? I don’t even need to get anything, I’m happy to sacrifice the gnomes anyway.

    While I enjoy being able to summon my Doom Guard at any time now (providing it’s not on cd) – I must admit I sometimes miss getting a random group member killed when summoning him *sighs dreamily* Those were good days.

  2. 2 Tania February 10, 2011 at 8:26 pm

       /ˈwɪzənd; ˈwizənd/ Show Spelled[wiz-uhnd; wee-zuhnd] Show IPA
    withered; shriveled

    Poor Blizzard. They make creams to help with that.

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